Mander

I want my children and my grandchildren to love their heritage and culture as much as I do.
Their mothers and their fathers.

1 - Go to wikipedia. Hit "random".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Random quotations:
http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on "explore the last seven days"
http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to mix it all up. Post here.

I don't even know where to begin, how to express the amount of pain christie lee has caused me over the course of this year.
I never thought someone so seemingly nice, so demure, so sweet and easy to trust could cause so much hurt, all the lies, backstabbing, manipulation. This stupid, selfish girl has made me weary of every woman I know. This stupid selfish bitch took all of my secrets and told people she knew would use against me. She threw my secrets back in my face. This stupid, selfish whore had no respect for what was mine, and I hope she never forgets what she did.
Whether or not she remembers the pain, suffering, humiliation and heartbreak I felt, I hope she remembers for the rest of her life, how she became attached to the man I'm marrying, talked her way into our life, promised me she felt nothing for him other than brotherly love, and then lost her virginity to him in a vain and very unsuccessful attempt to get him to leave me. And the worst part, the real slap in the face? She brushed it off by saying she only did it to lose her virginity.

I hope she remembers for the rest of her life, the man she stupidly gave herself to has never loved her, and never will.

She deserved everything she got. Heartbreak and humiliation. Especially because she clearly feels no remorse.



leave me out with the waste this is not what i do
it's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you
it's the wrong time for somebody new
it's a small crime and i got no excuse
and is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah?
if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?
is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah, with you?
leave me out with the waste this is not what i do
it's the wrong kind of place to be cheating on you
it's the wrong time she's pulling me through
it's a small crime and i got no excuse
and is that alright yeah?
if i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah?
if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?
is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright?
is that alright with you?
is that alright yeah?
if i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah?
if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?
is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright
is that alright with you
and is that alright yeah?
is that alright
is that alright
is that alright with you?
no?
Post Permanent Link

i moved out
i dont live in concord

i didnt tell anyone so dont feel butthurt

i just had to
its deeper than want or need

my moms selling the house

i have to move by jan

ive modified my body

CAN YOU TELL WHERE???



( hint )

i was on the 680 from davis and the car in front of me started swerving
my friend and i thought they were just being dumb
and then we thought they might be drunk
so i was gonna switch lanes

and then they crashed into the divider RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
i was at a dead fucking stop on the fucking 680
and the passenger in the car that crashed FLEW out intho the freeway into the 3rd lane from the shoudler

and then another car hit hit him

hes ok
alive
fucking lit off his ass

my neck and back hurt from going 80 to 0 like instantly
my car is fine and im not hurt

just scared traumatized etc

idk its kind of fuckin scary to watch a body fly 15ft into the freeway during rush hour

Times are changing. There's always been the leader of the pack, the one everyone wants be. Or destroy.
But the internet provides a shield for people. You can be anyone you want to be. You can be yourself times ten, hidden by anonymity, power hungry and looking to destroy new people who don't know any better.

I'm a member of a tight internet community. We were all really good friends. I lived with three of them for certain periods of time ranging from 2 weeks to 6 months. They weren't just computer pen pals, online buddies, interbutt friandz. They were real people to me, real friends, same as the ones I see and talk to every day.
But combine real life with the power trip the internet can give you, and it's damn near lethal. People kill themselves over the kind of intense drama that can happen. It sounds ridiculous, but an insult is an insult, whether it came from a computer or your best friends mouth.
Ridicule is ridicule.

I don't talk about it often because I thought I was over it. I get called fat about once a week. I'm desensitized to it.
But I defend a friend, and I'm labeled trashy whore, just like her. By the way, she isn't. She's a sweetheart who was mislead.
My personal life has been exploited for the entertainment of others.

In the past, my pictures have been passed around and made fun of. My words quoted back at me, to mock me. But I've never had my mistakes and regrets pushed into my face, things I didn't tell anyone, made into a huge production.

It's affecting me more than it should. It's as if the people I see every day were saying these things. It's affecting my personal life and I won't have it anymore.

I'm done.

i havent freaked out like i just did since middle school

Rigo took me to a sex shop today. I finally bought something. The fact that the sales lady looked mortified to be working there helped. A lot. I didn't feel the least bit ashamed that I was buying a bullet. CAUSE SHE WAS FOR ME. Heh heh heh.

I saw Avenue Q last wed. It was pretty much 10x better than I expected.

Also, I went to Knotts Berry Farm yesterday and I saw Leonardo Dicaprio, body guards and everything. It was pretty awesome, even though he's just a dude. It's kind of surreal, watching him DIE A HORRIBLE FROSTY DEATH in Titanic on the big screens, and then watching him get off the Boomerang, slightly off balance.

Life is good. I'm almost not sick anymore. I bought the cutest shoes on the planet. And! Ice cube trays shaped like puzzle pieces and stars. OK ITS DORKY BUT IM NOT HERE TO IMPRESS ANYONE. I wanted them. n__n

This is the part where I lose what class I had left and brag about my sex life because ITS GOING GREAT.

Thats pretty much it. Im kind of exhausted. e;awljksdZx

i am so ridiculously sick

and so ridiculously underpaid

40 hours while coughing so hard that i throw up a little bit every few hours or so
isn't really healthy

the congestion is getting to me
and everytime i do cough
i feel the pressure behind my eyeballs
its actually giving me one hell of a headache

i sound like i have a voicebox instead of vocal cords

on my last paycheck i had 71 hours
and i still didn't even break $500
seventy one fucking hours
for four hundred and sixty nine fucking dollars

my skin is a little bit darker

( what im sideways ??? )

i wash my hands of martha and amber

i was a fool for trying to keep a frienship that clearly hasnt been there since sophomore year of highschool.

fallin fast and hard into a deep depression



im not comin out of my cave for anyone

see ya.

i told andre exactly how i felt
and we repatched our friendship

i told leela exactly how i felt
and things are getting worse

i admit to not ever initiating a conversation
but i just dont do that
i dont IM people
if she didnt live in fucking danville, maybe we'd actually hang out
anyway, i'm done with the bullshit
i dont care


i didn't talk to amber or martha all night
we have nothing in common
i was really upset on the third because after my plans fell through with jessica and co
reena asked me to come see her kitten
and then dakotah was like LOL NVM
liz wasn't home and i had nothing to do and nowhere to go
i eventually went out with evan for a bit

but fuck
where are all my friends
i try to make some fucking contact
and its like nobody wants to hang anymore
but when im some elusive fucking animal
the phone never stops ringing

i'm done here

i want to go home
to rigo, where i belong.

evan and i went to rasputin records
and i bought a used video game

night is better

i guess it is happening

but i have no way of getting there and back


i could have made $40 working
what a waste of a day

i took today off because i was told that we were having a.. get together? on the third?

nobody gave me the details
and it's the third


so im guessing its not happening.


fuck taking a shower.

martha just called
asked if i wanted to go to a 4th of july bbq thing
i feel like a filler friend to make parties bigger
amber was over there
they never call to just hang out